What If Millennials owned the Millennium Falcon…

Ok – let me just start by saying, this is probably going to make some of you mad. I would apologize, but #sorrynotsorry.  (for those of you offended by just that statement alone, scroll back in my feed and find the post from about a week back where I talk about being aware that people either love or hate me…)

I’d like to spend today talking about our jobs as parents. Not the whole “this is the best and most rewarding job I’ve ever had”, but the actual requirements and expectations of being a good parent. Not all of them – that would take a while. But our number 1 job as a parent (after providing love and for basic needs, which those really fold into this if you think about it) is… (drumroll)

Make our tiny humans into adults that will one day function in the real world

That’s it! Our job is to teach our kids how to be adults. Period. Anything extra is gravy! We all hope that our kids are awesome and win all the sports and get all the scholarships, but at the end of the day our job is to teach them things. I’ve covered some of this in blogs before, but we need to teach them things like how to be graceful winners and losers, rising above conflict and disappointment, how to schedule a doctor’s appointment, how to order food at a restaurant, how to listen, how to be respectful, how to manage money, how to manage time…. The list literally goes on and on. Think about all of the things you do on a daily basis with no input from anyone. Someone taught you that at some point. Either by their actions or their words. So we have a very large job ahead of us. Our job is to teach them how to cope with life when we are not there.

And after seeing the first of the so called millennials begin to hit the job market, let me reiterate what our job as parents is not… Our job is NOT to be our kid’s friend. Let me say that again slowly… Your job is not to be your child’s friend. If your child doesn’t curse you under their breath and tell you they hate you at least once in their childhood, you aren’t doing it right. If you don’t correct them when they are wrong and make them own up to their mistakes, they won’t just magically wake up one day and be ready for adulthood… And people that aren’t ready for adulthood live in your basement. FOREVER. Don’t be that parent that questions the adult when your kid gets in trouble. Ask the teachers in your kids’ lives. It happens all the time. Maybe you are even unintentionally doing it. But don’t be the type of parent that jumps to the conclusion that your child is never at fault. Let me assure you – your kid isn’t perfect. Neither are mine.

Over the weekend I was volunteering at a kids’ rehearsal to help keep the masses under control. Several kids had to be separated because they couldn’t be quiet when told repeatedly to be quiet. Guess whose kid was right in the middle of that group… (I’ll let y’all guess which one… lol) At that same event some of the kids lost some other privileges due to not following directions and treating things respectfully. The next day one of the mamas approached me (after already getting an accurate accounting of the events from another parent) and asked for “my side of the story.” I pointed out that her child’s version of the story wasn’t really what happened, but instead of being mad that her kid lied to her, she decided to stick up for her kid. And to make it even worse she had her kid write me the most passive aggressive apology note I have ever received. I’m all for making your kiddos apologize, but this was basically the kid saying “I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry you punished me for it.”

And the entire time I kept thinking – this kid will never be a successful adult. Because guess what, those kids grow up to be the ones that can’t cope in college. The ones that think daily life is too stressful to manage because they’ve never experienced failure or consequences. Those kids are the ones who will be hired and fired by those of us raised in an era where not everyone got a trophy and if you fibbed to your mama about the severity of a situation, your punishment was 10x greater than it would have been before. And we don’t put up with people who don’t work hard and own their mistakes.  You are not doing your kids any favors by not making them own their actions. I’m not saying lock them in a closet for bending a rule, but sending them to bed without supper every once in a while is not the worst thing. Braden didn’t get to go to his best friend’s birthday party this year because he was grounded. It killed me, but it was the right thing to do.

Which brings me back to the millennials that are now hitting the job market. I don’t know how many of you have seem them enter your workplace, but it has been a little baffling to me. These kids first of all can’t be learning much in training because they can’t be bothered to put their phones down. I mean – what is so important that you can’t pay attention to the people taking time out of their days to teach you? And the sad thing is these kids don’t even get that it is disrespectful. I have no words… Then on the off chance that they actually do put their phones down, they can’t handle the “stress” of working. For real??!! What stress? The ones I’ve heard this from recently aren’t even out of training yet. How are you stressed out? You are literally watching someone else work. I kept thinking what is it going to look like when they actually have to work?

So to answer the question of what would have happened if millennials owned the Millennium Falcon? Well, I can assure you it would not have made the kessel run in 12 parsecs. And on the off chance that one of them actually had the gumption to try, they probably would have died in a fiery crash because they would have been too busy taking selfies and staring at their phones to avoid any sort of asteroids. Just saying. And just for funsies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAMyh8DjCrQ&feature=youtu.be

We, the last of the Gen Xers, have the ability to do things differently with our kids. Let them cry. Take away the trophy. And hold them accountable when they mess up. Let them mess up when you are there to catch them, but in order to catch them you have to let them fall! I had a babysitter steal $500 from me once. After I told her mother I was going to the police I distinctly remember her mother saying “I can’t believe you’d do this to her. She could lose her scholarship.” Now this particular girl had stolen from people all over town and it was a hard decision for all of us to press charges. But we thought it was better that she learn from her mistakes here, in a town where she was loved and surrounded by mercy and grace, than to get caught stealing from someone in college. I have often wondered what happened to her and if that moment in her life taught her to do things differently.

Raising kids is hard and there are lots of fine lines. But it is also the most important job that most of us will ever have. Until next time 😉