Yesterday I found myself going back through pictures of the
past year for a project and I was once again amazed at all of the stuff my
family does. I mean, man, we have had some good times. Not just over the past
year, but in our lives together for the past decade. And just looking at the
pictures brought memories back that put a smile on my face.
And then it caused me to think about several of the birthday
wishes I received. Many of them included something to the effect of “You look
so happy, I’m so excited for you”. So I
started thinking about the timing of it all. When you’re single, people
typically only talk about how happy you look once you’ve gotten into a
relationship. I don't seem to get those "You look happy" texts when I'm plugging along at the single mom life. Why is that?
And don’t get me wrong, I’ll take a compliment anytime I can
get one. And I’m glad I look happy. But why is it that society looks at a
single mom and thinks she can only be happy if there is another person in the
picture? One of my most precious things in my bedroom is a collage of the first
trip I ever took with the kids as a single mom. I loaded up with a girlfriend
and her daughter and we went to Memphis for the weekend. The kids and I took
some (terrible) selfies at the zoo and those photos, to me, will always define
happiness for me. The smiles captured on our faces still to this day bring back
a warm feeling every time I see that picture.
I guess for me, I want to teach my kids that you can be
happy in whatever life you decide to be happy in. For some that is a marriage
with kids. For some that is living the single life until the day they die. No
matter if I am single or in a relationship, I try to live my life by the 80/20
rule. I know that life is not all sunshine and rainbows, and that no one is
happy every day. Things happen. People die. Jobs are lost. Relationships end.
But the rest of the time I want to make the most of my life. I don’t want to pin
my happiness on another person. I certainly don’t want that for my children.
So I would encourage you as we move into yet another new
year, to seek out happiness in whatever state your life is in right now. But
also to celebrate the happiness of others no matter the state theirs is in. It
is so easy to judge someone else’s happiness by our standards. And I’m not
saying “Y’all”, I’m saying we all do it. But I challenge you to step outside
your box and be happy even when someone else’s happy doesn’t look like yours. A
friend came over the other night that doesn’t have kids. I didn’t look at her
and wonder how she found a place to be happy without kids. I said, “Heck yeah,
let’s take your fancy ride that I’ll never be able to afford because kids are
expensive out for a spin.” Happy can look just the way you need it to.
I hope that when Amelia grows up that she is as strong and
fiercely independent as I am so that she can CHOOSE what makes her happy. If
that means that she is a wife and mom to my grandbabies, then so be it. If that
means that she climbs the corporate ladder and we take fabulous trips around the
world together, then so be it. Same for Braden. I hope when he is old enough
that I will have taught him how to live on his own so that he can choose the
things and people that truly make him happy. All of that starts when we wish
true happiness every day for those around us where their happy doesn’t look
like ours.
Thanks for reading and I hope your 2019 is off to a FANTASTIC
start. You look happy and I’m excited for you.
