As we've discussed, the theme of my new focus is being intentional. I want to
be intentional about who I put into my life. Because without that we end up
trapped in something causing us pain that we don’t even know we are trapped in.
Got it?
But the intentional part doesn’t stop there. Once you have
people in your life, what do you do with them? In theory if you’ve selected the
right type of people, then you’re all cruising along being awesome together.
And maybe that is a post for another day. What if the people are family? The
kind that have to be there? Like the tiny humans…? How intentional are my
interactions with them?
Yes, yes, I intentionally interact with them every day. I
chose to be a part of their lives. I make them breakfast (ok technically they
make their own now, but you get the point), drive them places, watch them
blossom into tiny humans who can do things like make their own breakfasts. And
I love every moment (ok, that is a lie, mom life is hard sometimes… but I love
most of the moments).
But recently I have found us busier than ever (cue the “I
told you so” from parents with children older than mine…) . Like eat in the
car, shower only when extremely necessary kind of busy. I mean I looked up and
this summer was GONE. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching my kids do things
they love. I will always be their biggest cheerleader and supporter, but lately
I’ve felt a lot more like a chauffer than a raiser of tiny humans.
So, I want to be more intentional in my interactions with my
kiddos. And y’all… that is HARD! I mean, sometimes all I want to do when I get
home from a long day turned even longer by soccer/dance/gymnastics/theater is
sit on the couch and stare at a wall. Maybe eat. Maybe not. Naps would be
great. But that isn’t what is best for my kids. Yes, one of those days where we
all veg on the couch while eating tv watching a show is ok. But it can’t turn
into the norm. Last night my 7 year old daughter took it upon herself to heat
up some mac n cheese and set the table for everyone so that we would sit down
at the table and share a meal together. While my heart was humbled at the fact
that she wanted to do this, it was also a little sad because I couldn’t
remember the last time we’d shared a meal together at our table.
As a part of keeping me honest, I’m going to share with
you guys my plan for being more intentional with my kids. Please hold me to it.
Step 1) We each set a weekly goal on Sunday night. It should
be something we can accomplish in 7 days. It can be about school, or work, or
friends, or self care, but we have a goal. We write that goal down and post it
on the fridge. We have daily check ins and reminders about the goals. That is
causing us to have bigger conversations than “How was school?” ”Fine”.
(Although remind me to tell you guys about the “where do babies come from
conversation” with Braden two weeks ago… one of the funniest, yet most
terrifying moments of my life). So we set and talk about goals. I won’t share
the kids, because that is theirs to share, but mine this week was to find a
mentor. And as soon as I set the goal I knew exactly how to set about finding
one, so made a phone call (I know that seems counter productive to my “be more
present” goal, but if I have a mentor then I stress less about work, allowing
me more time to spend with the kiddos). Yay goals!
Step 2) Create time and stress less. Now you will never once
hear me say that being late is acceptable. Not once, not ever. But I have
started stressing less about it if it happens to occur. Old Lauren would stew
in the car, afraid that the world would no longer accept us because we were 3
minutes late to a practice. So, starting now I won’t stress and I’ll be more
present in the car. Because honestly we spend a lot of time in the car. So no
more zoning out. Be present, have the conversations.
Step 3) Take time for family. Over the past 12 or so years I
have worked so hard to try and get our family into the same geographical area.
Now it’s happened so I need to make sure we are taking advantage of it. All of
us! Last week I booked a weekend get away with my brother’s family in October.
Because spending time with my cousins was one of my favorite parts of
childhood!
Step 4) This one is the hardest, yet it seems so simple.
Just be present. Going at this pace often leaves my brain friend by 7pm. I just
want to sit for a moment and relax. But I have to do better. I’m not saying to
give up my “me” time, I’m saying I need to slow down enough so that the me time
can wait. When my kids are home and awake, I need to be in a state of mind to
give them my attention. Again, I’m not saying all the time. Playing alone is
something that every child needs to learn to do, but there has to be equal time
when we do things together, and not just watch tv. So one thing I’ve started
doing is having Amelia read to me at night, instead of in her room. I was so
good about doing this with Braden, but #secondkidproblems have kicked into full
gear. Braden and I take a lot of time lately in the kitchen. I am being present
with them in whatever small ways I can find. No matter how tired I am.
Stay tuned. Life is a delicate balance of raising them right
and letting them fly. Most days I feel like I’m doing ok, but some days it
feels like I’m barely treading water with them. At the end of their childhoods
I want most importantly for them to look back and know they were loved.
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