Ok, before we get started, if that title didn’t make you
sing just a little bit of my favorite song from Wicked, I’m going to need you
to back up and try again. And for those of you who have no idea what I’m
talking about , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk3H2yvsH-U,
You’re welcome! And if you listen to it and don’t want to quit your job and
join a traveling Broadway show, I’m not sure we can be friends anymore… 😉
Ok, now that we’ve got that out of the way, have you noticed
this is the month of love? I’ve never been all in on the idea that forces me to
celebrate my love for someone on a given day or month. I’m more of a “spoil you
all the time” kind of gal. But I do kind of love the 90% Valentine’s day candy
at Kroger right now…
I digress. Since love has been thrown in our faces all month
long, it has caused me to revisit a recent conversation I had with someone of
the male persuasion. I said something to the effect of “When I’m in a
relationship I make a choice every day to get up and love that person.” His
response “If you have to choose to love someone, then it’s not worth it.” WHHAATTTT??? Pardon me while I pick my jaw up
off the ground… Do adults really think this way? And then as I began to think
more and more about this two sentence exchange I began to wonder… Is this what
is wrong with our world? Why the divorce rates are steadily climbing? Why a
husband feels ok about abandoning his wife and kids for no good reason? Or why
a wife checks out once the kids are grown?
Ok, let’s back up. First of all, that feeling you feel? You know
the one. The one that is all tingly and warm and exciting? The one you get when
you first start dating? Or first fall in love? The one that was a constant
state of euphoria when you were a teenager? That’s not love. That is a chemical
reaction from your body called adrenaline. When you get all dopey your body
releases cortisol and adrenaline and makes you feel all special inside. That
particular effect tends to wear off somewhere between months 12-18. So then you’re
left with what??? A choice…
The bible says “Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not
envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not
self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-8)
Do I fail every person I love every day? You betcha. Do they
fail me? Yup! But that’s the cool thing about this choice situation. You see,
there are exactly two people on the face of the planet that I will love unconditionally
until the day I die. Two people that I will never have to choose to love. The two people that my body made. They get a free pass.
Everyone else, family, friend, signification other, public enemy #1, that’s
right. I have to make a choice to get up and love you. Every. Single. Day.
Because let’s pretend you do all the cool stuff that 1st
Corinthians says every day. You are patient and kind and not proud. Ok. But
what if when you do those things you wear a t-shirt that is a size too small
and your belly pokes out of the bottom and I think it is ridiculous and
annoying? Or what if you go through your days not being easily angered, but
every time I try to tell you a story your face is so far into your phone
checking your social media, that I might as well not be in the room. Or, what
if you in fact do rejoice in the truth, but you intentionally forget my
birthday every year. For 20 years because you know it irritates me. (STUART!!)
And I am well aware of the fact that I have stuff that I’m sure irritates
people. I’m quirky and moody, but I’m constantly pushing myself to do better.
(Note this is not an open invitation to list all of the things you think are
wrong with me in the comments… lol)
Does that mean I give up and walk away? That I don’t love
you anymore? Not for me. Does it mean that you fail me and do super annoying
things that I don’t like? Yep. Therein lies the choice.
I clearly do not make all the right choices when it comes to
who I love and who I allow in my life. I’m not sure any of us do. But one thing
I’ve learned as an adult is that I have to be more intentional about who I
allow in my life. Who I love. Who I allow to love me. Who I allow to love my
kids.
While I’m still a work in progress, there are things that I
do look at when I’m trying to determine if the choice is still the right one
for me to wake up each day and love someone. Be it a friend, family, or
signification other.
1) Does this person help me to be my best self?
What does that mean? I want people in my life that are good
people. That have good morals. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal. I want
Christians so that when the tough stuff comes around I can ask them for advice
and prayers.
2) Does this person push me?
While I think it is important to have people in your life
that have interests that are similar to yours, I think it is extremely
important to be around people who push you out of your comfort zone. Until 5
years ago I had never stepped foot inside a tent or a canoe. Now we own 2 tents
and 3 kayaks. I would have never know that I love to camp if I had just hung
out with people who like the same things as me.
3) Are we moving in the same direction?
I’m not saying that every person in your life has to want a
house, 2.5 kids, a white picket fence and a dog if that’s what you want. But
your best people, the people that you love, should want the same things as you.
I’m not saying that just because a person doesn’t have kids and you have kids
doesn’t mean you can’t be besties (heeey Daniela!). I’m saying that there has
to be commonality in goals. If your bestie stays up partying every night
because they are wild and free and you go to be at 830 because you work all
day, then maybe it is time to examine that choice. Maybe not. Choices abound.
Making a choice to love someone is hard. All the days it is
hard. I’ve lost people because at the time they were no longer worth the fight.
I’m talking even family because they don’t meet one of the three criteria
above. It doesn’t mean I hate them, it just means I don’t choose to love them
anymore. I’ve had friends that I have chosen to not have in my life anymore because
at the time maybe we weren’t helping each other to be our best selves. But when
you make that choice for the right reasons, man does it ever pay off? The
people in my life are empowering and push me to do things I’m not always sure
are possible. That’s what happens when you wake up and choose to love people.
What I just can’t get past, is are there really adults that
think that we wake up every day thinking that love is a warm and fuzzy feeling?
That if someone does something that annoys you you shouldn’t love them? I pity
those people, as they will never get to experience the deep, rich kind of love
that comes with choosing to look past the faults and annoying things about a
person and loving them for the good they do. Loving them for who they are to
the world and who they are to you. Maybe if we all chose to do that a little
more often, this world would be a better place. I encourage you today to truly
examine those most special relationships in your life. Are you loving someone
by choice are by cortisol?
And since we started with show tunes, let’s end with a show
tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN8-N-cqkUo
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