This week is going to be full of some not nice feelings for
me. And some irony. Because as I sit here writing about being intentional about
what I put in my body my mouth is full and I just took a swig of Coke Zero to
wash down the previous bite of breakfast…
So here it is. Week 5 – aka being intentional about my body –
aka the talk I have with myself EVERY. SINGLE. MONDAY.
Let’s set the stage. I am not one of those women who fell
into weight struggles later in life because babies and college and whatever. I
have struggled with weight as long as I can remember. I was one of the most
active kids you ever met and I looked at a Cheeto and gained 5 pounds. So I am
no stranger to dieting and exercise.
I have actually been quite successful at it at times during
my life. Those times were before I got home from work/kids at 9pm every night
too exhausted to do anything but drool on myself. But it doesn’t mean I don’t
want to be successful. Every Monday, pretty much without fail I set out to be
better. And typically by dinner that night I’ve fallen off the wagon. By
Tuesday I have pushed the wagon down the hill after setting it on fire.
And why is that? I can wake up after failing my kids or
failing at work or failing with friends and go about being better the next day.
But something about THIS aspect is an all or nothing thing for me. “Well, I
didn’t exercise today so I guess I’ll wait to start until next Monday.” That was
January. Sigh. Or “Well, I didn’t eat well yesterday so I might as well eat
nachos for breakfast” ß
That was literally my thought process last Friday. In my defense they were
leftovers and I didn’t have time for my traditional egg breakfast (hello,
rationalize much??).
And I know me. I know I can’t do all the things all at once.
Because there are A LOT of habits I’d like to change about my body. I can’t
quit carbs, and Coke Zeros, and alcohol, and create a gym regimen all in the
same week. So I try to start small.
Last week I determined that this week was the week I ate
better. In order to do that I HAVE to meal prep. Have to. So I bought all the
things to make that happen. Including an eggplant. Now, I like eggplant. I’ve
cooked it several times before. This eggplant came with some sort of mental
block. Like it sat on my counter for 5 days. And when I’d pass by it I would
think mean things about it. “You are not nachos. You sit there and think about
what you’ve become.” or "You are a tiny purple fruit made by the devil." I finally cooked it because I really can’t stand to waste
food and now those bad feelings are carrying over into the eating of the
eggplant. But I ate it. Yesterday for lunch I had the weirdest combination of
food you’ll probably ever have (think eggplant balsamic thing covered in
alfredo sauce and red pepper wrapped in a tortilla and covered in Frank’s hot
sauce. I told you it was weird!) And last night, because I had failed to plan,
I had Burger King.
But I will say that maybe I am making baby steps. Because
instead of feeling defeated this morning I packed my breakfast of a duck egg
and some watermelon and am happily consuming as I write this.
So this week in terms of being intentional about my life, I
haven’t mapped out a game plan. I am still trying to find the one that fits
with our lifestyle and schedule and that I can honestly stick to. Because I
really do feel better when I put the good things in my body, but short of
hiring a personal chef, it isn’t going to be easy. I think for me small changes
are the way to go. Maybe one new one per week. So for next week I shall add
fruit to every meal. I like fruit and as long as I can get to the store to buy
it I’ll be fine. Week 1 goal in the bag. And no fast food. Fruit and no fast food. I’m
already feeling like next week may be the week…
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